The following was primarily written in 1996. There have been some modifications from the original text, but most of it has been left alone.

I have known that I'm bisexual since I was about sixteen. This is not to say that that's how long I've been bisexual, just how long I've known it. I've become fairly open about it. Something that always bothered me before I started seeing my first girlfriend, though, were the people who asked me, "How do you know you're bi?" The answer is simple: I just knew. No, I'd never been with a woman. That didn't make me not bi. That made me shy. When someone is straight and they've never been with someone of the opposite sex, you don't ask them, "But how do you know you're straight?" They just accept it. Why can't people be the same way about bisexuality?

In fact, the first woman I was with even asked me how I knew if I'd never been with a woman (and she was bi herself). I told her I knew I'd like it. She asked what if I didn't. I told her then I'd figure whatever woman I didn't like it with was just a lousy lover. It happens with men; it wouldn't be any different with women.

Then there are the men who ask me what I look for in women. I usually answer, "Probably the same things you look for. Great personality, a decent set of brains, and a nice body never hurt anyone either." But sometimes I just roll my eyes. I think it's perfectly undestandable for me to need to do that. I think all it takes is for people to understand that being attracted to women is not that difficult a concept. Men do it all the time. Why shouldn't I? I think that as a whole, women are considerably more attractive than men. Sorry, boys, but when it comes down to it, most of you (straights and bisexuals anyway... I did say "most") agree with me anyway, now don't you?

My biggest problem with being bisexual is my strong desire to date women but being too shy to do anything about it. It took me several years to learn how to open up to men. Now I have to do it over? I think the biggest problem with that is trying to figure out which women are interested and which aren't. With men, it's easier, because the majority are attracted to women, and if they aren't, they're not likely to be offended by it. With women, it's a minority, and though some would be flattered by it, many would be offended by my advances, and I'd hate to scare some poor girl off with my flirtations.

When I was oh gosh, must have been 16 because I was driving but not attached yet, I was at a friend's house in Natomas for some reason that escapes me at the moment, and we were bored so we went online a BBS that we both called (it's now defunct) to see who was free. The only person who was online and available was a lesbian who was Butch with a capital B (she was 14 and looked like an 18- or 19-yr-old man). So we went to pick her up and we went to some coffee shop or pizza parlor or something and chatted for a while, and then I took her & my friend home. Next time I saw her online, she asked me whether I was straight or bi. She knew that I wasn't a lesbian because I'd had several boyfriends in the time that she'd known me. I thought about it for a moment, and then answered, "Well, I've never been with a woman." She took that to mean I was straight, but I phrased it that way because in truth I didn't really know. It got me thinking, and not long after I came to the conclusion that I was bisexual. Except I kept it to myself for a while, and by the time I told anyone else, I was already attached, and wasn't single for a while after that.

The first person I came out to was my ex-boyfriend. It was actually kind of funny to me. I had just finished thinking about the possibility and had come to the conclusion that I am bisexual, when on one of our marathon telephone sessions he asked me if I was bi, just out of the blue. He cried when I told him the answer. He was something of a homophobic at the time (and I still think he's not too keen on [read: is sickened by] male homosexuality), but he came to terms with what I am and that I wasn't going to change on that point. Had he known from the beginning he probably wouldn't have ever dated me, but he hadn't known when we started. After him I began to come out to friends and coworkers, bit by bit. I never went up to anyone and said, "hey, I'm bi." I just let them find out in their own time. I figured it was something they didn't need to know necessarily, but I wasn't going to hide it. I started hanging out in bifem IRC channels, and then making my own. Someone walking by would have no problem seeing that I was in a bifem room, and I usually said, "Yes, I'm bi. Have a problem with that?" when they asked about it. No one at the office has ever had a problem with it, nor have any of my friends that I've come out to. Now, of course, I have very obviously come out on my web page (you are reading my coming oet page, after all), and anyone who wants to see can. And if anyone has a problem with it, I say to hell with them. It's what I am, I'm proud of it, my friends love me whether I'm straight or bi, and really I'm just another person, like everyone else in the regards that I'm human. I'm also very different from everyone else, not because I'm bi but just because everyone is different from everyone else. I usually consider myself more different than most people, but I don't really know for sure since I've never been anyone else. That also has nothing to do with me being bisexual, since I have always been an unusual one, no matter who I'm attracted to.

My Grrl Code:
BL! PA!!(!!!) SF~(!!!) TP! F* B/F* A* V! B** G* O! S* N* K! H! DS*
TF** R**(***) C**